the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
