new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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