so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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