I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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