He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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