genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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