I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Someone came in the potted fern
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
