Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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