Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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