So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
