hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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