Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
