I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
