Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
