trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
