and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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