just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
