And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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