Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
