So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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