he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
