You just made me feel so damn special
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
why is half of my head shaved?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
