I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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