I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
