nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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