She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
