If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We're too hungover to prance.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
