Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
