piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
