on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
