I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
