Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
