Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
