Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
