I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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