We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
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The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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