As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
