So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
