He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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