So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just cut my nipple shaving
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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