Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
