I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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