My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize