my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
