One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
