Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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