shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you have to choose: penises or morals?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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