please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize