Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
