Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
