and my herpes radar will keep us safe
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
