You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
