the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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