The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
