who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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