He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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