Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
