I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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