You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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