If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize