I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
