I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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