dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
