DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
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The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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