is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
