Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
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its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Let's get the cat blown out
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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