fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He felt like a one man threesome
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
