I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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