My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
