Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
