Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
