dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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